OOC

[Tom]

Day 15:

I need to think of things other than GOT to talk about with Matty But I enjoy it a lot.

[Tom]

I am not a big fan of the image recognition/castaway guessing challenge. But I may have to compete since I sat out last time. Don't want to be seen as a dead weight. But I am p sure Varner can ace this challenge all by himself.

Also IAN!!!! What is the other tribe thinking voting off one of the few people who are actually around for a freaking LIVE challenge?? Silly imo unless there is like a long term plan in place that involves deals made with people from this tribe pre-swap. Still without cross tribal communication those deals can't be THAT strong that they would risk going to tribal repeatedly. I mean JW has done a merge as late as F8 in the past. How do they know he won't pull that again?? Hmmmmm. Something to think about. For now though, gotta figure out who sits out in the challenge.

[Tom]

Day 16:

Kimmi. So awesome. I feel much more comfortable with Kimmi than I do with Sierra at this point. I am making very silly mistakes I feel like. Like Jamie, Matty, Sierra and I are "aligned". But I only really trust Matty in that 4-some. Jamie I am warming up to more and more. Sierra just gives me shady vibes.

On the other hand, I really like Kimmi. I mean yeah some things she says and does is a bit weird. But my gut tells me I can trust her. I want to tell her about OITNBarra. But I don't want to jeopardize an "alliance" if I don't have a reason to. yet. I am trying to probe Kimmi about her ties to Cirie and John. I want to to make sure I can get as close to Kimmi as possible. if my hunch about pre-swap shenanigans and out of game relationships is at all true, my bond with Kimmi will be critical for me to make it past any unexpected events. So I am going to keep working on that.

[Tom]

Something is very very wrong. VERY VERY wrong. I think I just had an argument with Matty over who to vote out and he is royally pissed at me even if he says he isn't. No. No no no no no. Something has changed. And I don't like it. Something is going on that I am unaware of. Need more data. But something is way off.

[Tom]

I have no fucking clue how ublaz and whoever played as Erica in Palawan did this challenge. And they did it in like an hour?? Maybe less. We're beyond awful in this challenge and I need to start prepping for tribal.

[Tom]

Day 17:

This game is getting messy. I feel it slipping away from me. And yet I can only watch. Right now the only person I trust wholeheartedly is Kimmi. Not Sierra. Not Jamie. Not even Matty. The "good news" I think is that Kimmi is not the target. It is Cirie. The bad news is that Cirie is someone Kimmi feels very comfortable with. Although she did say to me that Cirie isn't her priority. Kimmi thinks the potential alliance is Sierra, Jamie, Matty, Kimmi and I. None of these others have even mentioned Kimmi. They want to include Amber. Matty made his intentions very clear about that. Sierra I think is going to agree to whatever Matty says. Jamie is such a wild card. He is very incoherent in his thoughts and ideas. Which is either just erratic game play or bad lying. Either of those is a liability. Amber I have no relation with. Not because of a lack of trying on my part. The girl is just a dead weight when it comes to talking to me. The funny thing is, if Sierra knew who Amber was, she would never want to work with her But, I am not gonna go down that road.

The plan is to get rid of Cirie if we lose. Which I am actually not that concerned with. I mean I know that my place in this tribe is terrible. My guess is it is Matty/Sierra on top. John and Amber are numbers for them. Jamie is lodged up in there somewhere. I am just the old bumble fucking idiot who is decent at challenges and for talking about stuff every now and then. Once they get rid of Cirie, I am entirely dependent on Matty/Sierra wanting me in the game. And Sierra told me she thinks Amber has the idol. No clue if it is true or not. I guess if it is true, that would kinda explain Matty's hesitation to vote her?? But I think it goes beyond that tbh. Like I am almost certain there is a deal between Matty, Amber, John and Sierra. The OITNBarra is a bluff. If we lose after Cirie goes, I am afraid it is either me or Kimmi getting the boot. So we better fucking keep winning.

But with that comes the issue of putting Chelsea and Varner in trouble. I hope and pray they can make the merge. Although I feel like it is all futile already Like I feel no matter what happens in this game, my ceiling is mid jury. That's fucking depressing considering we are only at F14.

[Tom]

I S2G if I survive this TC, there will be fucking hell to pay.

[Tom]

This vote is fucking depressing. What a fucking shame.

[Tom]

The sheer hilarity of the situation is Matty and I almost lost our cools at each other trying to go to bat for Amber and Cirie respectively to not be targeted first and Amber/Cirie just turned around and virtually spat in our faces for it.

[Tom]

This game is going to have an ugly, bitter end. For everyone. ESPECIALLY me. I am contemplating wiping all proof of this being ME and let it remain alias even post game. IDK. Is that possible?

[Mary]

Jun 19, 2015 4:42:36 GMT Tom said:

This game is going to have an ugly, bitter end. For everyone. ESPECIALLY me. I am contemplating wiping all proof of this being ME and let it remain alias even post game. IDK. Is that possible?

Nah, this series sucks at keeping its players' secrets. TRUST ME. 

[Tom]

Day 19 (I think. I am gonna lose interest in keeping day count real soon):

What a fucking mess. I will try not to be too rambly but this is everything that happened from what I can tell.

Matty, Sierra, Jamie and I were perceived to be a tight 4 by both Kimmi and Amber. Not entirely wrong. Matty put immense faith in Amber and told her the voting target is Cirie. I did the same with Kimmi. I think Matty also tried to bring in Amber as a supposed fifth into this alliance. I foolishly did the same with Kimmi. Stupid on my part because Matty had told me, I think, that he was in talks with Amber about aligning. But for me I felt closest to Kimmi. Only second to Matty. I felt we had a genuine bond. Heck I dropped the shtick at points with Kimmi to have genuine and fun chats. I would have never let the votes fall on Kimmi.

But Amber and Kimmi compared notes or w/e and figured the four of us were just BSing everyone else. So they go to Cirie and plan on idoling Cirie expecting all of us to vote Cirie. Which we were going to do. They all are going to vote Sierra because Amber and Sierra know who each other is and well. There is messed up history between the two. The wild card here ends up being John. Kimmi trusts John at this point and tells John the whole thing. But somehow John is closer to Sierra and he spills everything Kimmi is telling him to Sierra. I am legit at a loss here. When the fuck did John and Sierra get so tight? John has not been on AIM for 3 days straight, says he is traveling and doesn't have WiFi. Why he is choosing to side with Sierra over Kimmi (an original tribe mate) is beyond me.

So even after it becomes apparent that Kimmi is actually 100% in the camp of Amber and Cirie, I STILL want to try and make something work with Kimmi. I straight up give her a chance to come clean to me. And she lies straight to my face. The depressing part is I believe her until I once again see proof from Sierra, that she got from John, who heard from Kimmi immediately after talking to me, that Kimmi is still just BSing me and is still with Amber and Cirie. I even hatch a completely hair brained vote split that would have sent Amber home in something like a 3-3-1-1 or something had Kimmi been honest with me. But nope. As soon as Sierra shows proof of Kimmi lying after the fact that she told me she voted Amber, I cave and agree to just voting Kimmi because Amber is playing her idol on either Cirie or herself. I am still feeling bad about the Kimmi vote because I absolutely loved talking to Kimmi. Like I am pretty sure I told her this. How much I enjoyed our chats. But apparently she didn't believe me 

Now the aftermath. And I am like scratching my head over how oblivious I am to what is REALLY happening in the game. But firstly, the whole Cirie thing. As this shit was going down, Sierra said she needs a scapegoat to sacrifice to direct Cirie's rage at. A name that can be blamed about why Cirie is being targeted. I don't know what I had to drink that evening but I tell her to blame me. FML. She explodes on me saying I am targeting her because I know who she is outside of the game (due to her using a non-alias AIM). But I tell her I don't and I cook up some BS about me hearing her targeting me. This blows up in my face immediately because of course she never targeted me. And she goes around telling god knows what to everyone. Even Matty came to me saying how she is coming to him and accusing me of accusing him of some shit. Dear god. I have no clue how to deal with this person. I would REALLY like Cirie gone next and I am going to do what I can to make that happen. 

I am just so exhausted by the events of yesterday. And the depressing thing in all of this is that what Amber and Kimmi speculated and/or stated isn't far from the truth at all. Sierra and Matty know each other outside the game, are good friends and talk every day. They may not have joined together but they made no attempt to hide who they are. Then the fact that John was 100% pro-Sierra with there being next to no in-game presence and or interaction between the 2 points to an out side the game relationship as well. Jamie was also gung ho about working with Sierra before apparently even talking to her. I have suspected him, Matty and Sierra to be friends outside the game for a while now but I am not 100% sure about this. And I myself consider both Sierra and Matty friends outside the game. That part didn't factor into my decision to aligning with them of course because as it happens I know Amber very well too. And I genuinely wanted Kimmi in the game by my side at the merge. This is so fucking annoying. 

I am almost over this game. I have next to no motivation to do anything. I feel like it is a waste of time trying to talk to Matty and Sierra now. I feel like I am all but disposable now and they are just biding their time. I have felt more and more distant vibes from Matty recently and that kinda sucks. Sierra I never particularly felt close to in this game. And anyways when she has her friends playing with her they will be her first priority. Jamie is a weird one. So hard to get a proper read on him. John is like. I have no clue why these people keep saying he is good. Somethings he said to me around the vote were weird. I mean I am sure I will like him if I talk to him more. But at the end of the day, I am at best a 5th vote to this block of 4. Or 4th if I can move above Jamie. Assuming he doesn't know them outside the game.

Am I being too unfair on Sierra and Matty? I am buying into the pre-game stuff and assuming like they can't separate in-game relations with out of the game friendships. I mean I profess about being able to do it myself. So why do i think they won't do it? Its fucking twisted (pun not intended) and messing with my head having to wrap my head around all these complications that stem from one single fact. PEOPLE NEED TO KEEP THEIR ALIASES HIDDEN. Like. make up a fake backstory. Lie about location. Change the way you talk/type. Its fucking ironic that I am the one saying all this seeing as I patently suck at keeping my alias hidden. Until now because I do believe the dumb old hick from the South routine is working and they don't know who I am yet. God I hope they don't. I have enough headaches as it is without Sierra losing her shit realizing she is playing with me again. 

As for the future. I had a better than decent conversation with Amber last night. She said to vote her out next. I did my best to make her see that I want Cirie gone and maybe if a merge/swap is soon her and I could make something happen. At this point, if I have any hope of doing anything at all in this game, I need an out. I need someone who is not automatically aligned with Sierra. I was HOPING that someone would be Kimmi. Womp womp to that. Now Amber isn't a very reliable ally. I have learnt that in a painful and excruciating way. Twice. But one thing I can rely on is that she hates Sierra. It is a powerful hatred. If someway, somehow I can make it to a merge with this set of players.

Amber, Chelsea, Crystal, Jamie, Joaq, John, Matty, Ozzy, Sierra, Steph, Varner and I. That is 12. Wait has TSG ever had a merge of 12?? Not sure. Too lazy to check archives rn. But anyways. In that group. No it would be too early to try and go after any pre-games. I HOPE and PRAY that I can count on Varner and Chelsea. I felt very close with Chelsea too but I have been an oblivious idiot in this game so I don't know anything for sure right now. Part of me just wants to say "Fuck it". Go UTR af. Let Sierra or Matty or whoever take out whoever they want. At this point I think Matty firmly believes I am with him. And I want to be. He is the one I felt most comfortable with before all this happened. Even and especially now I feel most comfortable with Matty on this tribe. Maybe I can lay low till F7 or F8 and then go on an immunity run. LOL. As if I could ever pull that off. FML. Ehhhhhh. I will try my best to stay invested in this thing but right now its just fucking depressing. Next challenge is endurance too. Fuck me.

[Tom]

Chris Barkley 

Does Tom speak, or just not to blk people

Is this dude accusing me of being racist? WHAT THE SHIT.

[Tom]

I took a day off from this game today. I will most likely do the challenge tomorrow. Just one attempt. I hope I find the enthusiasm I had on old Penedo soon. Either that or we lose and vote Cirie out. Any option would work. I need the environment to change so that I can get my head back in he game properly.

[Tom]

Pre-challenge post counts

Cirie - 162
Jaime - 179
John - 140
Matty - 180
Sierra - 139
Tom - 249

Chelsea - 250
Crystal - 295
Jeff - 204
Joaq - 93
Ozzy - 70
Steph - 106