Episode 9-10: I Hate Myself but Mostly Shane (and Penedo)

[Matty]

I blame myself for Jaime going even after all of this. I can't make a formal confessional for a few days but basically what happened was shane told tom he was playing the idol. Jaime voted chelsea and I knew if I did too then chelsea would go. Only problem was I decided to flip too quickly. What I should have done was insist we call shane's bluff instead of voting Jaime. So now Jaime is gone and although I didn't vote him out, I could have tried to avoid it.

[Matty]

Ok, so I’m going to start this one off by apologizing for not writing confessionals and basically shoving 3 episodes into this one thread. I have been away for the last several days so I was unable to get a computer or laptop or something to write one. It’s been a bit of a ride and I’m not exactly happy with how the last whole bunch of rounds have gone.



So let’s start off with the Second Chances thing. I absolutely HATE returnee twists in ORGs and Survivor in general. Redemption Island, Outcast, it basically ruins one of the basic tenants and rules of the show.



“Once the votes are read the decision is final, the person voted out will be asked to leave the tribal council area immediately.”

Oh and btw you can come back later. Lolz 

*sigh* 

So out of the people actually decided to write pitches to come back (gosh dang it John) there were a few people who I would not have minded returning.



I have had no relationship at all with Ian, Deb, Shane, or Osten. Ian and Deb both talked to me when the polls started and I was fairly mum towards them. Tried to be as friendly as possible. Then I set myself to a busy status on AIM and no one messaged me lol.


I voted out Ed, Kimmi, and Ozzy. Now Ed and Ozzy both told me they weren’t going to be bitter at all. Ed said he was going to make a plea saying he would try getting rid of Steph, Jaime and I, where in reality he was going to try working with us. Not sure if I 100% believed him. Jaime certainly did not. Kimmi I know is super-duper bitter thanks to Osten’s excellent power point presentation. I would very much prefer if she didn’t make it back in, so I planned to give her the lowest ratings no matter what the plea was. She could have hired the real Kimmi and flown her in to make a plea, and I still would have ranked her at the bottom. No personal offense to her, but that’s kinda what happens when you are super bitter when you are basically the reason why you got voted out.



So I go around to the people on my tribe. Show them the list I made to build trust, stuff like that. I had Osten and Ozzy at the top of my list. Ozzy because we did talk after he got voted out and he didn’t seem very bitter about the whole thing. If he were to come back in he would probably work with Steph again, who I would hope would work with me again for the merge. I had Osten at the top of my list because I felt like Ozzy was more likely to get Viewer votes and Jeff mentioned wanting Osten back. While I don’t exactly trust Varner 100% with game and alliance talk, I do think having Osten back would be better than a lot of the other people who could. I had Shane towards the bottom of my list basically because I’m not all that interested with playing with a borderline troll.



So results come out and I want to get this out of the way. I respect any host decision or twist because obviously a lot of planning goes into a season. It’s a lot of hard work and I know it can be hard to be really creative. While in theory the second chances thing can be cool because of the current season filming and stuff, game wise I don’t really think it was done the most fair way. I saw an Outcast twist once before in Twisted 3 where people were essentially voted back into the game by solely contestants. Redemption Island obviously players have to fight hard in challenges to get back into the game, but that’s solely on them. I don’t think I am a huge fan of how the Viewers and production basically decided who the first person to come back would be. I don’t think that is fair for the people actually PLAYING in the game because a subjective creativity challenge is basically the thing deciding players to come back in. I don’t like it, but I understand I have to deal with it.



So of course because “everyone” loves Shane he got back in. Now leading up until this point I have been promised by basically everyone on my tribe that we would just vote out the person voted back in because of the Second Chances twist. When it was revealed that Kimmi or Ozzy were also eligible to come back in, I did a pretty big sigh. I know the only reason why Kimmi is in contention here is because of the viewers having such a high percentage of the votes. Luckily because the 2nd player coming back is actually decided by the contestants, Ozzy came back in instead.



Now I was hoping Shane would pick our tribe because he was going to be gone if he did. And he did! Awesome. Ozzy ended up on the other tribe which hopefully puts Sierra in a better spot. I know her relationship with Shane wasn’t great so I don’t think she would have fared particularly well with him on the tribe.



So now it should be 5 v 1. Shane against the rest of the tribe. Should be easy right? Well this is where my least favorite twist (I’m not complaining I swear lol) in ORG history comes in. Shane randomly gets an idol. Greeaaaaattt. So literally the one person who having an idol would be bad gets the idol. The reason why this sucks so much is I know who their target would be if Shane plays the idol.



Jaime. I have gotten so close to Jaime over the least few weeks and he is honestly one of the coolest people I have met in ORGs. I really hope he has been telling the truth this whole time about this one being his first “real” ORG. It is amazing to watch him get excited and enthusiastic about challenges and it’s been a pleasure playing with him. Under NO circumstance do I want Jaime to go.



I guess I must have been good at hiding that because Tom, Varner, and Chelsea were being very open with me saying “Well if Shane plays the idol at least it’s just Jaime who goes.” Yeah well I don’t exactly want to see that happen.



So I know that there is an easy way to do this. If Tom, Chelsea, and Varner are telling the truth about voting Shane, then that’s 3 votes in Shane’s direction. If Shane is voting Jaime, that is 1 vote in Jaime’s direction. What I can do is, with Jaime, vote for Chelsea. If we do that, then it becomes a 3-2-1 vote. Now the problem with this is that it relies on them telling the truth about voting Shane. It also burns any bridges I had with Chelsea, Varner, and Tom by keeping this secret. I’m not about to throw away social relations so close to the merge and jury being formed. I’m not going to unnecessarily lie to people to get to the end because that never results in the win. I have to be smart about it. I do think there is a legit chance Shane doesn’t play his idol if Tom convinces him hard enough that Jaime is the target. I feel like he would be the kind of player who is greedy and tries to keep it.



Jaime is rightfully nervous. While I was unavailable he sent me a lot of messages about how he was going to vote for Chelsea no matter what and he hoped I would too. He went to sleep and I felt so crushed because this put me between a rock and a hard place. It’s either the possibility of betraying a close friend, or destroying my relationship with Penedo. Well at first my more rational and logical side won out. I didn’t want Jaime to go, but I knew that not voting Shane would make me too sketch.



Well “conveniently” enough Tom tells me about 10 minutes before the voting deadline that Shane was playing the idol no matter what. I am fuming. I switch my vote to Chelsea immediately. Now this is where my huge mistake comes in. I told them I was voting Chelsea. I did this basically to cover my own butt and looking back on it I don’t think it was the right call. Reason being is OF CORUSE Shane doesn’t play his idol. He doesn’t play his idol and it’s a 4-2 vote for Jaime. Jaime goes, I’m crushed, and now I’m minus one friend and someone I 100% trusted.



Now when I found out about playing the idol I PMed Shane. Prior to all of this I tried to make it seem like I was voting Chelsea. I told her this and she was cool with it, but I had always intended on voting Shane. Well it wasn’t until after all of this was over when Shane messaged me about being sorry, being at the bottom of the Penedo totem pole. Yeah no, I wasn’t going to have any of that. But he did bring up an interesting point.



One of us was being lied to. I’m not sure who, but either Shane or I was left out of the loop for this vote. A 4-2 vote? That is so stupid. If we knew he had the idol, why not leave 2 votes on him? It would be a revote between Chelsea and Jaime and Jaime would have gone anyway. So I tried to sell to Shane that I thought Penedo was lying to me the whole time about the vote. I told Tom I told Shane this and that I didn’t actually believe it, because I know Shane is a snake and would probably rat me out while he was fishing for info. But I’m not sure what to believe.



Either way, Penedo is the reason why Jaime got voted out. I plan on avenging him one day. For that to happen I need to make it seem like I am blinded by emotional rage basically to take out Shane. If I can do that, that is one Penedo number down and at the merge it would be very possible to reduce the rest of them down to nothing. After the vote Chelsea and Tom both told me that Shane would be next, it’s okay, sympathizing with me. Yeah well I wasn’t exactly “feigning” my sadness about Jaime being eliminated. I 100% am and I was being genuine about it. But I’m not blinded by the fact that it wasn’t just Shane who voted him out. Tom, Varner, and Chelsea all did it too. Whether that was their intention the entire time, I do not know. I do know that I’m going to try my very best for the rest of this game to do what I can to avoid being put on the Jury so I can do Jaime proud.

[Matty]

The next round was finally the FREAKING MERGE. Hallelujah finally. I reunited with Steph and Sierra, talked more with Ozzy, finally got to talk to people like Joaquin (who isn’t as inactive as people say he is btw although he had hilariously admitted to not writing a confessional since the Deb boot round).



This is where Sierra and I did some super strategy talk. She was now really close with Steph and Joaquin, hence why she survived the past bunch of rounds. Ozzy voted with the 4 of them and caused a 2-2-2 vote at their TC because Crystal had the idol. Cirie ended up going so that’s cool, one less OTTN personality to deal with. It was at this point where we were trying to essentially decide the fate of the rest of the game.



There were essentially 2 options for us. Group back up with Penedo, or make an alliance with Ozzy, Steph, and Joaq. Crystal isn’t going to work with them again so she is basically a member of the Penedo alliance anyway. Now numbers wise Penedo has the advantage, but it’s usually better to team up with the alliance that is smaller in numbers (NOT THE MINORITY, WAY DIFFERENT) and who has people you actually like. I really like Steph and I’ve started to even like Joaquin. Ozzy is super cool too so that helps. Meanwhile, Penedo is kinda the reason why Jaime went home and I sorta just wrote a whole bunch about trying to avenge him soooooo yeah. The decision was not exactly hard to decide on who we were going to side with.



The question was HOW we intended on doing that. With us working with them we have 5 people on a 10 person tribe. That means we need to take out one of their numbers. Well the choice seemed pretty clear. We had to essentially pick a target who everyone would be able to agree on. Someone who, if they go, won’t be a problem politically.

Now whomever could this be………..

So it looks like my whining may actually come in to help me for once in an ORG. I have been making a huge deal about getting rid of Shane for the last round and a half. While I was still a little skeptical, I still trusted Tom enough to vote for Shane with us, and I’m sure Chelsea would too. Slight issue with all of this was that Varner was the one who ended up with the idol for this round. This can be an issue because he can obviously play the idol on Shane and then they choose who to target and that person is effed. I feel confident enough that I would not be the target, but Ozzy or Steph or Joaq definitely could be. One of them going obviously hurts the idea of out 5 person alliance because we’d only have 4 people and not much of a chance to stick together as the minority. We REALLY REALLY need this vote to work out in our favor.



And idea that was played around with was tell everyone were voting for Shane, and then have the 5 of us vote for Crystal. That would mean a 5-4-1 vote (because shane won’t vote for himself) and Crystal goes, puts us at a 5-3 + Shane (who they just voted for) advantage. Now the problem with this is two-fold. 1. It burns bridges and pisses people off by unnecessarily lying to them. They won’t like that while sitting on the jury. 2. The relationships will be burned and now what if they get an idol? See why I hate this twist? Lol, it’s so awful. I feel so conflicted because I want to trust Tom and such, he seems genuine enough to me, but I still don’t know what happened that round. They all had ballots to vote for Jaime prepared and stuff, that is super sketchy. He still maintains I was being told the truth the whole time, but I guess we’ll see about that. I have figured out that in ORGs when I tell the truth, it works out until towards the end of the game. I then need to find the perfect time to lie to someone to advance myself. This happened in GaE and it resulted in a pretty sick split vote, so I’m hoping I can try pulling off something sorta like that (not the split vote necessarily, just the telling the truth as long as I can until I can make a big move).



The lead up to the vote and talking openly with Ozzy, Steph, and Joaq was actually pretty fun. We made a “Wildcats” alliance chat (HS musical reference ftw) and laughed over how much Varner was overplaying. He literally offered alliances with all 5 of us. Sierra and I, Steph and Ozzy, and then Joaq and Crystal. It seemed a bit unnecessary, but we knew we’d be able to deal with that when his time came and everything worked out. I ended up asking Varner if he had the idol even though I already knew the answer was yes, I was curious to see if he would tell me the truth. He did and I jokingly asked if he was playing it on Shane, he of course said no. Then just to try to solidify the deal, Sierra made a group chat with us Tom, Chelsea, and Varner in it, asking for it to be the F5 and stuff. Everything seemed to be going fine and dandy.



I was at the boardwalk with friends, playing Dance Dance revolution when it happened. I noticed my phone going off a lot so I checked it and noticed the Wildcats chat was hopping. Sierra and Ozzy were nervous about last minute stuff like Varner playing the idol on Shane. Well literally at the deadline Chelsea told Sierra that they were idoling Shane, so very franticly everyone in the chat tried to switch their vote to Crystal.



I’m honestly surprised I made the deadline because I was on mobile, but I somehow did (by 8 seconds). So did Sierra, Ozzy, and Steph. Unfortunately Joaq was a minute off. Now generally I’d instantly say “oh well this sucks, we’re screwed votes are lame blah blah blah” but Joaq mentioned being late by a bit once before and you ended up counting it, so there was hope.



Unfortunately consistency apparently doesn’t matter and this time the deadline stood strong. Ozzy went in a 5-4-1 vote where 1 vote was canceled by an idol play. Ugh ugh and more ugh. The fact that we were lied to and kept in the dark does not bode well for future rounds. I knew what happened but was angry enough to go to Tom pretending to be in the dark about it. Once the deadline passed I was like “Oh I hope Shane goes *crosses fingers* and he admitted that he wouldn’t be going and that Ozzy was the vote.



I was angry, I was betrayed, but I’m not going to be stupid. I questioned why he lied to us, made myself the victim, but I did NOT at any point say anything about being so angry to break apart from them. I admitted to him that now I am essentially bound to them. I can be voted out any round if they want me to. Tom was quick to say he would never want that and he still wants the F5 that Sierra made the chat for. Alright great, one thing for you to tell me this, but why are you going to lie to someone you want to work long term with? It doesn’t make sense.



The next excuse was why he didn’t tell me about Ozzy being the vote. He was worried I would tell Sierra instantly. Now, I most certainly would have, but never would I say that. It was at this point when I recognized who Tom was as an ORG player. And if he knows who Sierra and I are, then it makes a lot of sense as to why he would think that. However I made a huge deal about past game stuff not coming into account. I am actually a believer in this though. I do think it is stupid for pregames to rule seasons and it is unfair. I also would hate being eliminated for being recognized and recognized as a threat, or have a move done against me to settle a personal vendetta. It’s all incredibly stupid but I do recognize that it happens.



Tom even straight up asked me who I would have picked between him and Sierra, assuming this last round never happened. He had mentioned way earlier in the game that he would still go with me over Sierra. I knew what the correct answer was, so I said it. Did I feel close to Tom before all of this? Yes, 100%. I did trust him a lot and personally I like him a lot. So I told him that I would have stayed with him, because in game we had talked more and gotten closer, even though outside of the game Sierra and I are close.



Now, this makes me feel kinda like a crappy person, but that was basically all a lie. I still would have gone with Sierra over him because in game we had still made a strong connection. Especially now? After all this happened? Tom essentially drove me closer to Sierra. I tried my best to suck up to Tom as much as possible and it seemed to work, but by no means do I expect it to be an easy ride from here. I am in a minority right now. I have to keep going with my feigned emotional gameplay and continue with this Shane thing. I have to work these social connections with Tom. Everyone playing rn is a person, not a number. It’s time to appeal to that side of them.

[Matty]

OK, time for this round. I may try with pictures some more because there are a lot of walls of text.

So Varner went and apologized to me about what happened the last round. He said he was nervous about Ozzy etc etc. Now something I forgot to mention last round was Varner showed Sierra a message Ozzy sent him saying that I told Ozzy I wanted Varner gone sooner rather than later while on that second swap tribe. Now this showed my Ozzy was selling me up the river so that was fun, and secondly I don’t even remember if said that. I wouldn’t be surprised if I did because it was true. I asked Sierra to tell Varner it never happened. So now Varner is telling me about this message. I tell him the truth, I don’t remember saying anything like that. But I followed that up by saying I could have and if I did it was basically just as something to say to Ozzy when we knew he was going home.

Thing is, I know Varner was apologizing to Joaq at literally the exact same time as me. I was basically tired of it and confronted Varner and said I knew I wasn’t the only person he was apologizing to. He seemed to cut the BS and said that he felt a genuinely close personal bond with Joaq and I. I went with it because 1. I like Varner too on a personal level lol, he really is a cool guy. I just have a problem with how he treats game things. Which leads me to 2. I said I would still like to work together even after all of this.

This leaves me with Chelsea. Chelsea is probably the most genuine person out of the 3 of Tom, Varner, and Tom. She is super cool and I know I haven’t talked with her a lot, but I still think she is the most honest person. I told her that straight up, and she was super worried and said “Why???” and stuff. She said she thought I was close to Tom and she didn’t want to replace him. Now this was a super weird interaction, but I was being open with her. I said that Tom and I have a good personal relationship, but it’s hard to stay close to someone who just lied to you. I figured if she goes and tells Tom I said that it would be fine because I’ve said basically the same thing to him.



So this challenge was planned out by Steph, Sierra, Joaq, and I. I suggested we each take a corner so that’s what we are doing. Tom has been updating me on how Varner he and Chelsea are doing it. Shane has said nothing about his plans to Tom. Not 100% sure how this vote will go because Varner has yet to go to Tom about what he wanted to do for this round.



There is one thing I do know……..

The game finally loves me again! Wooooh!!!!!!! #3rdtimesacharm. Man I was SOO happy to see I got the idol for this round. After the last bunch of rounds where the idol conveniently ended up with people who would mess up my plans, I finally got my hands on it. Oh man was I excited I got this thing. I told Steph, Sierra, and Joaq about it and they of course very happy about it.



Joaq had an interesting idea to tell people he was the one with the idol. He is the more likely target so there is a chance it scares them and it means I don’t have to be telling people I have it. At first this sounded like a cool idea, but only too late did I realize what this would mean for me. If I am forced to play the idol, then I will be blowing my cover and destroy the bridges I tried ever so desperately to mend.

Tom didn’t help when he initially said that it would be an excellent idea for Joaq to be the target just so he is forced to use the idol and no blood gets on his hands. I talked Sierra that night at length about how it may not be a great idea to use the idol like that. Apparently Chelsea was telling her a whole bunch of emotional stuff, how she felt bad for lying and how she would rather selfsacrifice then lie and how she’d maybe vote Shane. I definitely feel for Chelsea because I understand she is conflicted. She doesn’t want to turn on or lie to anyone who she likes. I understand the feeling and it is awful. Good news game wise is that she may be good to vote for Shane, which means Tom may be too.

Shane said some stupid stuff in the tribe chat as Ozzy was eliminated and he was being super cocky to Joaquin, saying he was in the minority and stuff. I’m hoping that means Shane is causing his own fate. Tom said he talked to Varner right after the vote asking if they could boot Shane for the next round. Varner said no to my not surprise, but apparently didn’t offer anyone else up. Varner said he wasn’t voting me, as did Tom, so I don’t think I’d be the target for this round unless they intend on burning a jury vote.



I was talking to Sierra about this earlier, but imagine a F3 of Chelsea, Varner, and Tom. Who do YOU think would DESERVE to win? I’ll tell you who would actually win. Chelsea. She has been the chilliest, least BSy, and most genuine people out of the 3. While strategically she has up until this point been following Tom and Varner’s lead, I would probably still vote for her in the end.



She was telling me how Varner basically feels entitled and validated for his move having worked. I have a problem with this because to my face he was apologizing, but now he is celebrating behind my back. She was telling Sierra something similar so at least she is spreading the word and making it known Varner is sketch.



Apparently Shane went to Joaq earlier asking who he thought was with him and proposing an alliance thing. He mentioned Steph and Varner I think and made sure to keep Sierra and I out of it. He then told Shane he had the idol and Shane asked if he would be okay with voting for me. Coolio, but Shane told Tom he wanted to vote Sierra. Tom told him no and suggested Joaq instead, and Shane went to Joaq about that. So this is very good, shows that Joaq may be against Tom. Could mean Shane votes for Tom with us (not likely) or Tom votes for Shane with us when he finds out (more likely).



That’s it for now, I’m sure I’ll have updates as this round goes on now that I am back home. It’s been fun recapping everything. This word doc I have been using has over 4,700 words in it for these last few rounds.



Wow.

[Matty]

Also if you know me from GaE, you may know about my colorful boot order spreadsheet. Well I made one for this game too: docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1DG6WyaZ0bSDmOb_nQeDs3fIJMtO7qBJzXqbO1bOY2Z4/edit?usp=sharing

[Matty]

This symmetry is stunning. Twice went to tribal with every tribe in the game. I'm the only person left with that claim to fame.

[Matty]

Time to add an update to this round.

Basically the plan is still to target Shane. Now yes, I understand Shane is not a threat really. If were to ever get to the end, I think the chances of him winning are minimal. No offense to the guy as a player, but being voted out once and coming back is already a bad start, plus he can rub people the wrong way with his public comments. Getting rid of Shane means we get rid of a number who is almost definitely against me. He and I had a very civil chat about how I was in the minority, how #PenedoStrong was a thing, and how this is not the round for him to be making a move. If Shane is actually at the bottom of the Penedo totem pole like he claimed in the Jamie round, his best bet is to wait until F8 or F7. Numbers wise, it means he can flip on the 3 of Varner, Chelsea, and Tom with the remaining 3 people from the minority alliance. I say F8 because I really don't know much about Crystal's relations. I know she is close to Chelsea, so I would anticipate Crystal to vote with Chelsea if I needed to put her somewhere. 

Oh an btw, Individual Immunity woooooohhhhhHH!!!!!!!!! Do I think I needed it for this round? No. Especially with having the individual immunity idol. I've noticed a common trend with me getting the idol. I have ALWAYS had immunity whenever I get the idol. Before it was my tribe, now that I got the idol for a 3rd time (I am thanking my lucky stars for this btw) it's me individually. Tom was giving Sierra and I the info about where he knew people were painting squares. Using that I was able to basically hope for the best, and it worked out. Yes I know this was a luck win, but I still plan on savoring it!

So I know I am safe no matter what. 0% chance of me getting eliminated this round. This leaves me to hope Joaq, Steph, or Sierra won't get eliminated. Initially it was not looking amazing. Tom still intended to vote for Joaquin. Chelsea however, well she did something VERY interesting.

Chelsea sent me a vote. Not only did she send it to me, but I didn't even ask for it. She was saying she would vote for Shane, and I told her I trusted her and didn't expect her to show me a vote. Well, she did anyway. She did the same thing with Sierra. Honestly, this just sketches me out a bit. I was looking back on my confessional where I said I would vote Chelsea because she is the most genuine out of Tom and Varner, but what if that has been her goal this entire time? What if she is playing the role of the victim, saying "She's sorry for lying and voting. She is going to tell the truth. Oh she wouldn't make a fake vote" basically to catch us off guard. I think there is more the Chelsea then she portrays. I am sure she is a smart player and I don't intend to underestimate that.


But with Chelsea voting Shane, that is already 5/9. Sierra, Steph, Joaquin, Chelsea, and I. However I would still like to get Tom to vote with us because that way he may feel safer going forward. To add more to the "Chelsea is sketch" train, Tom said that Chelsea has yet to say anything decisive to him about the vote. Oh great. Tom was still leaning towards the plan to vote Joaquin. Then, I remembered that Joaquin got a message from Shane saying literally to play his idol (that joaquin told shane about) and that Tom was targeting him. Now I think this is just Shane saving his butt for an idol play, but it is saving his butt at the expense of Tom. So Sierra was telling Tom about that chat and he basically changed his tune. Now he is saying he is okay with voting Shane.


I have continued to say the reasoning to vote Shane is purely emotional and for Jamie and stuff. I talked earlier that is not the case, but I hope I am doing a good job at selling it. If Shane goes here, it is one less number that I need to deal with, and we are back to a 4-4 tie at the worst. I am praying this works and that I don't need to use the idol. However, I feel like I will be told by one of either Chelsea or Tom (or Sierra would be told by one of them) that they are all voting either Joaq or Steph as the deadline approaches. Hoping that is the case, but can't be sure. If a rebound from all of this is actually possible, I would be stunned. However Sierra is of course still worried about being the real target. Tom said specifically he would never vote for her, but Shane is spreading that she is the vote. 


So idk, I guess we'll see what is up soon enough. If they continue this lying business though, then they are going to have a tough time winning my jury vote when I inevitably get eliminated. What I am worried about is Shane is telling Joaq he is the target and blames Tom, Tom knows about it, and this whole time the target is actually Steph. They would try to draw out the idol play and get rid of someone against them. The social groundwork for this round has been set, and idt there is much more I can do that will convince Tom or Chelsea to vote Shane. If they do great, if not well hopefully I can idol.

[Matty]

Sees results:


#HappyDance